I’ll never forget that day in the laundromat, summer 2017, my friend B.A.* and I hadn’t seen each other for a bit. We were catching up and I was telling B.A. how I saw The Trans List documentary. I noticed B.A. got quiet as I went on in excitement, expressing all that I learned about gender, gender fluidity, how indigenous Americans had five genders, and how I learned about pronouns that were beyond “he and she.” At the moment I told B.A. about my new knowledge of pronouns they interjected with, “I go by they/them pronouns.”

There was a moment of silence between us.

At this point, I knew B.A. for three years, I was confused—I asked them why they never disclosed this to me after we had already shared so much with each other. B.A. relayed to me how people (even people within the LGBTQIA+ community) don’t understand genders that aren’t “male and female,” and B.A. was afraid of the backlash and cruelty that would follow from people’s ignorance. I remember they said —they didn’t know how I’d react. Those words crushed me. I wasn’t offended and I didn’t take it personally. I thanked B.A. for finally trusting me with this part of themself and that though at the time, I didn’t understand much about genders beyond the binary, that I still was there for them no matter what.

I didn’t tell B.A. the whole truth though... 

Right there in the laundromat, I wanted to tell B.A. that I was infuriated that the world had allowed them to feel they had to hide this fundamental truth of who they are. See...B.A. and I were only ever friends, but I loved B.A. more than friendship-- I dismissed this feeling because B.A. only wanted friendship. I Identify as Me became my way of giving love to B.A., I wanted to make the world better for them. I wanted to make the world better for every person like them who felt hidden, alone, and afraid to be who they are, without fear of sacrificing being loved or abandoned.

The idea for I Identify as Me first began as a photo series. I had never seen body liberation images of masculine of center (MoC)/gender fluid women and gender nonconforming

(GNC) people. When I did see images of these folks, it was usually of straight-sized and/or muscular, white, or light-skinned people of the global majority (aka BIPoC). I wanted to see images in the world of people I never got to see. Additionally, this intent stemmed from my understanding of how the world can make you feel invisible. I had had enough, and the I Identify as Me photo series was born.

While planning the photo series, Monick Monell [She/Her] came onto the project. Monick was the critical component to the development of I Identify as Me because Monick had much of the lived experience of what was being portrayed. After learning much more about the LGBTQIA+ community from Monick—learning about the layers of gender, we both came to the inference that I Identify as Me had to be a documentary. In 2019, Ley Comas [They/Them] became a part of the team. Monick and I realized that our experience as cisgender women would not provide the full authentic direction the film required. Together each of us pours our hearts, souls, and lived experiences into I Identify as Me. All creative decisions are made together, with every black and brown person in the LGBTQIA+ community always at the forefront of our minds. We are intentional of all of the people we collaborate with to bring the film to fruition. The journey to complete this experimental documentary is uncharted creative waters and pushing filmmaking rules and norms. 

I Identify as Me began as my personal love letter to B.A. that has evolved into a necessary experience inspiring colonial unlearning to transmute the societal narrative for MoC/gender fluid women and GNC ppl. As the audience, it is an honor and a privilege that we get to follow the journey of everyone in the film. I Identify as Me is a portal to removing the colonial lens of gender, to give us space to tap into our empathy and love for lived experiences we don’t understand--and we don’t need to fully understand them, but it’s imperative that we are always doing the inner work to be open-minded, inclusive, respectful, and moving in love. We need to always strive to be more than how society has told us to think and be. I Identify as Me is a starting point to teach us how we can be a direct part of the long-term solution to social liberation. In its simplest form...I Identify as Me is a beginning for us to unconditionally love people exactly as they are.